One thing I’ve noticed with enlightening Amazon reviews is that when you get a good one, it pays to delve into that contributor’s reviewing history. I did so with my favourite of yesterday, the person at the top of the list, and came up with the following:
Bought as a present (4 stars) Book about Freemasonry
I have not completed it yet (4 stars) Another book about Freemasonry. Are you sure you’re serious about this Freemason business? They don’t take just anyone.
Have not read it yet (1 star) A book on Mormonism. Those ones you don’t read are always so disappointing. But can you be a Freemason and a Mormon? Don’t rush into anything, my friend.
Next on my ‘to read list’ (4 stars) Don’t worry – we can wait.
So far so good ( 5 stars) Laptop battery. Well, they all start out good, sir…
Have not used it yet but it will be fine (4 stars) An artist’s palette. Very trusting. I’m about to sell my old car – get in touch.
Have not used them yet but sure they will be fine (4 stars) Artist’s paintbrushes. What with the freemasonry, Mormonism and painting you’re not going to have much free time…
Have only glanced at it at the moment (4 stars) Must have been a pretty impressive glance.
This was a present, I did not read it myself (4 stars) Just think what you might have given it if you had read it!
Only just getting into it (3 stars) Okaaaay…
Haven’t got round to reading it yet (3 stars). You know, there really isn’t a rush to submit a review.
And penultimately, my favourite, rather enigmatic, ‘review’: No, not until you have replied to my query about missing book (3 stars). Presumably if they find his missing book the review of this one will go up a bit.
It’s only fair to give my star reviewer the last, rather exasperated word, since I suspect his contributions have raised the hackles of one or two impatient and unimaginative readers:
I don’t know what to write here. It seems to be most comprehensively written and covers all aspects of growing Christmas Trees. If you can’t accept what I’ve written above, tough. (4 stars)