I’d like to start with some words of Wellington after Waterloo:
It has been a damned nice thing – the nearest run thing you ever saw in your life, by God!
I was right! This being the third day after a Bank Holiday when Jupiter is rising in Capricorn, the green bin is to be placed out today, not yesterday. The picture doesn’t quite bring it out, but next door’s bins, which have been standing there overnight, have a kind of humiliated look about them. In your face, neighbours! (In a nice way.) To avoid any further confusion, I’ve drawn up a new set of instructions for the local authorities to issue henceforth and forthwith:
On the fourth Monday after a Gibbous Moon the black bin is to be put out three days earlier than the green bin, which on alternate weeks is to be put out promptly on the same day as usual – other than on the Wednesday preceding St Herbert’s Day, when, of course, all bin collections will revert to as they were before some time ago.
Please make sure to remove all the contents of the brown bin and place them in the green bin whenever a Tuesday falls towards the end of the month or earlier, then return them to the brown bin the following day ready for collection.
Any bins not collected at New Year according to the Mayan calendar will be collected three days previously.
On the Day of Judgement all bin collection will cease, and will resume the following Monday.
That should do it.